I was planning on writing you again until next week however I wanted to make sure I sent this out now since you may be struggling with this problem.
I go to the gym on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday and since they’re small classes, I usually get to overhear what other people are saying during the workout.
One of the exercises we do is to put a resistance band (basically a giant rubber band) right above our knees and move around.
There is a secret process to putting them on. If you hold the band from the sides to stretch it out and then pull it up like you’re putting on a pair of underwear, the band doesn’t roll up and it doesn’t dig into the side of your knees. However, if you roll it up your legs when you put it on, it (surprise!) rolls up and becomes uncomfortable (in my case it also yanks off a bunch of leg hair.)
This girl next to me (let’s call her Stacy) rolls it up and noticing it’s digging into the side of her knees says “This is uncomfortable. It’s because my thighs are too fat.”
I found this interesting because I am a good 10 inches taller with thicker thighs and yet, I didn’t have the same problem.
The reason I’m telling you this is because through my coaching practice and my day to day I consistently see candidates, and particularly women, personally blaming themselves for their failures when in reality, it’s not them who failed, but rather the process.
Stacy thought her “fat thighs” was the problem when really it was the way she put on the resistance band that was wrong. Think about how those are two very different problems. One can be fixed in 5 seconds and the other would take months as well as a lot of mental energy and self-awareness to achieve.
Same applies to your job search. Did you not get the interview because you were deficient or was it your resume that wasn’t up to par? Did they give someone else the job because you don’t have enough experience or because your Interview Theme wasn’t developed?
Let’s look at “Stacy” again.
Stacy probably thought this:
“This is uncomfortable because my thighs are too fat” = “It’s my fault I’m fat and it will be very hard and months of work to get thin thighs for this to work the way I want it to be”
When really it should have been this:
“This is uncomfortable because the process I’m using isn’t correct” = Fix process in less than 5 seconds, gets a great workout.
You’re probably doing the same in your career.
Instead of thinking this:
“I didn’t get the job because I don’t have enough experience” = “I’m personally deficient and will take years to get that type of experience so I may as well just give up”
Replace it with this:
“I didn’t get that job because my Interview Theme wasn’t the right one” = Takes about 90mins to develop an Interview Theme, gets awesome job.
Next time you hit a roadblock, before you start thinking that things didn’t work out because YOU are too dumb/fat/skinny/tall/short/broken/deficient/etc, take a step back and first consider that maybe, just maybe, the process you used wasn’t the right one.
PS: Next week I will be in Houston for the World Autism Organisation's 5th Annual International Congress as a speaker discussing techniques job candidates who are on the Autism Spectrum can obtain white collar jobs at Fortune 500 companies. I was selected based on my work and success rate I've had helping candidates start their careers. If you will be in attendance, feel free to reach out